First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
