Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
