I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize