I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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