You can't motorboat a personality
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
