You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
