Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
