I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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