I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
