Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize