You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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