omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
