i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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