The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
