I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
