so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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