Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
