This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
