carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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