I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
