Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
