My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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