There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
