i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
