Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
