Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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