i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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