he wants to bone in the snuggie
thus making me awesome and them whores
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I lost the right to judge tonight
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
