I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
