What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need mimosas to revive my soul
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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