my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
