I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
