apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Randomize
