Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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