It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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