Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
