I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
