Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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