your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
