I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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