Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
