so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
