if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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