The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
