I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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