I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
