just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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