i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
