I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
