why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need a beard to bite.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
