New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
