You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
