I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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