He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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