chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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