Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
