in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
