If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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