Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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