Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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