He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
