Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
