i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
