When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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