ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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