I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
