my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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