Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
