He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
