The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
