I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
