does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why can't burritos get me drunk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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