So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
