worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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