i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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