Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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