my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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