then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize