just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
