apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
