what day is it and did you see me today?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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