i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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