can u get pink eye on your cock?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
