i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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