Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
