Need sex. Gaining weight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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