Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize