If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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