you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
