and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
