I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
