Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
