HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My life is pants optional.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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