Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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