The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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