I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
