words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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