omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
