last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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