How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
