i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
