It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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