My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
